Stars of a Strange Eclipse
by Jessi a.k.a. Crash
Summary: What does it mean when an author goes evil, a pet cat starts talking, a pen turns a girl into a superheroine, and a masked man throws a flower? It means that the world is in danger! But how can a group of crazy teens and a talking cat save an entire plane


Stars of a Strange Eclipse  
  
Chapter 1: Pretty Soldier Sailor….Jessi?! Masked Man Tuxedo…Lotus?! And Ivan the…Talking Cat?!  
  
A/N: Sailor Moon isn't mine, or any authors that find their way out of the recesses of my mind. Welcome to the Sailor Moon parody that stars JGR authors (So far it just stars Tei, Lotus, and myself, but more people will show up later). I owe a big thanks to Tei for the title. PG for breaking and entering.  
  
  
  
"Jessi Sylver, stay here," the middle aged, very angry teacher ordered as a bell rang.  
  
"Yes, Ms. Bobbat…" Jessi stammered in fear of her geometry teacher, as she stopped a few feet from the door that would grant her freedom for the next two days. The rest of the class rushed past  
  
Jessi shifted her book bag a bit, and shuffled her sneakered feet. She glanced around as her teacher searched for something on her desk. She pulled at the collar of her t-shirt, and glanced down at her blue jeans, spying a gray stain.  
  
"Ew…gravy…"  
  
"Miss Sylver! Look at this test!" Ms. Bobbat spat.  
  
"A...forty-eight?!" Jessi muttered, as she spun around, brown ponytail flying, to face her teacher. "But…I studied for hours!"  
  
"It certainly doesn't show, Jessi! You need at least an eighty on the next test to get your mid six-weeks grade up to passing, otherwise you won't be playing in that doubles tennis tournament!"  
  
"Y-yes, Ma'am. May I go now?"  
  
"I suppose."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Jessi Sylver strolled into the nearly deserted hall.  
  
"A forty-eight…Mom'll kill me." She wearily adjusted her glasses.  
  
"Hey, Jess!" a boy with short brown hair called from the end of the hall. "Wait up! I'll be there in a minute!"  
  
A few minutes later, the boy was standing beside Jessi, grinning stupidly.  
  
"What are you so pleased about, Tei?"  
  
Tei pointed at his shirt, which read, "I smiled the devious smile of doom, and lived!"  
  
"Heh, nice." Jessi laughed. "Any word on tennis practice?"  
  
"It's been called off. The courts are too wet to play."  
  
"It pays to have a friend that's an office aide. So, want to grab a bite to eat?"  
  
"Might as well. I've got nothing better to do."  
  
They walked out the school, talking and laughing.  
  
"So, what are your plans for this weekend?" Tei asked as they walked through the parking lot. "Your parents are away, and your brother moved out so…how about a party?"  
  
"Absolutely not! They'd kill me! Besides, I have to study for my next geometry test."  
  
"Failed the last one?"  
  
"Forty-eight."  
  
"Ouch. That's bad. You are so not going to make that tournament."  
  
"Shut-up!" Jessi whacked his head.  
  
"AGH!" Tei fell to the ground in mock pain. "Oh, the pain! The horrible pain!"  
  
"Get up, you lunk head!" Jessi yanked him off the ground and started to drag him along. "I didn't hit you that hard!"  
  
"Hey, you scuffed up my jeans!"  
  
"No, you did that when you fell!"  
  
"Oh, no I didn't!"  
  
"Yes you did!"  
  
"No, I did-OOF!" Jessi walked right into someone.  
  
"Watch where you're going, Sylver." a boy slightly taller than Jessi huffed.  
  
"Nice to see you too, Lotus."  
  
"So," Lotus asked as he swept a few short brown strands out of his face, "What are the two of you up to?"  
  
"We're going to the Palastone Café, as if it's any of your business." Jessi replied coldly.  
  
"Watch your temper, metal head," Lotus called as he walked away "Well, I'd better go. See you two later!"  
  
  
  
"Oh, I can't stand that Lotus sometimes!" Jessi grumbled as she jammed a spoon into her sundae. "He's so…. ARGH! In those khakis and white shirts… He's so…so…"  
  
"Lotus-like?" Tei finished before taking a gulp of his chocolate milkshake. "Remember in botany we studied the lotus flower today. This is a good study opportunity for the quiz tomorrow!"  
  
"Lotuses are so formal, proper, and classy… That name suits him! Oh, he annoys me sometimes!"  
  
The Palastone Café, considered by many students to be the best place to eat after school, was packed. Tei and Jessi were sitting in a booth by a window overlooking the parking lot.  
  
"Hey, calm down. It's nothing worth getting upset over! After all, it takes all sorts to make a world."  
  
"And other times… He's so cute…"  
  
"Here we go again." Tei sighed. "Jessi, make up your mind. Do you love him or hate him?"  
  
"Well, he can be nice when he wants to be… I just don't know. He's so cute!"  
  
"Oh boy. She's going in circles again. Maybe I should order another milkshake…."  
  
"That reminds me of something I was going to tell you! Last night, I think I heard my cat talk!"  
  
Tei blinked. Jessi blinked. Tei started laughing hysterically.  
  
"Jessi! That's just like you! Do anything for a laugh!"  
  
"No, Tei! I'm serious! I walked into the living room, and Ivan was sitting in front of the computer, talking to himself!"  
  
"What did he say?" Tei gasped through out of control laughs.  
  
"That he thought he had finally found the person who is destined to save the planet!"  
  
Tei stopped laughing and blinked. Jessi blinked. Tei sweatdropped and laughed some more.  
  
"Jessi! Stop pulling my leg!"  
  
"Grrr… Tei! I'm not making this up! My cat talks!" Jessi screamed, attracting stares from the other restaurant patrons.  
  
The restaurant patrons blinked and collectively sweatdropped. Jessi blushed, tossed a five-dollar bill onto her and Tei's table, and creeped out of the café.  
  
As soon as the door shut behind her, Jessi heard echoes of out of control laughter emanating from the café.  
  
"I just can't keep my fat yap shut sometimes…"  
  
  
  
Back in the café, Tei was lounging in uncertainty amidst the din of giggles and guffaws.  
  
"So, that cat has finally found the Sailor Soldiers. This could mean a lot of trouble for my plan," he thought as he sipped his milkshake, "I'll have to be more careful with tonight's escapade. I must gather enough energy for Negative Gate to be opened. And then, this world will be no more. Its pathetic, shallow inhabitants will not waste the universe's resources for much longer."  
  
Tei chuckled like a madman.  
  
  
  
Jessi grumbled to herself for the entire half hour walk to her home, a middle class, two story, brick house. She strolled across the lawn, unlocked the door, and went in. It seemed eerily quiet in the entryway in front of the stairs.  
  
"Two days all alone," she groaned, "I don't think that I'll make it to Sunday night."  
  
She dropped her book bag and closed the door. She heard the heavy padda-padda of four monstrously large paws.  
  
"Oh no, not today!" she shouted as a huge Rottweiler hurtled into the entryway, and tackled her to the ground. "Rocky! Bad dog, bad dog! Heel!"  
  
Rocky pinned her to the floor with his front paws and licked her face, leaving it covered in stinking, gooey, dog slobber.  
  
"Get off of me, you dumb mutt! Roll over! Play dead! Get off of me or no dinner!"  
  
The dog yelped, and immediately ran to the far side of the home, whimpering. Jessi sat up and wiped her face clean  
  
with the sleeve of her jacket.  
  
"Yuck, canine pathogens! Bleh!"  
  
A gray tomcat sidled up next to her, rubbing her side and purring.  
  
"Ivan! How's my Ivy-baby doing?" she cooed as she rubbed the cat's back.  
  
"I'm okay, and you?" Ivan replied.  
  
"… Ivy-kins! You talked!" Jessi muttered as she scooted towards the wall.  
  
"Yep." The cat nodded.  
  
"So, you were talking last night, too?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"So, I've finally lost my mind?"  
  
"Quite possibly." Ivan sweatdropped. "Jessi, listen to me, you-"  
  
"I can't hear you!" Jessi declared as she clasped her hands over her ears. "La la la la! I can't hear the speech-capable kitty-cat!"  
  
A vein buldged out of Ivan's forehead. He launched himself forward, and scratched Jessi's nose. She uncovered her ears and snatched her face.  
  
"Listen, Jessi! You're supposed to save the world from really bad things that are going to happen! You're a Literary Sailor Soldier! Or just Sailor Soldier if you don't want to get technical." Ivan explained slowly and clearly as he sat at the girl's feet.  
  
"Ivy-darling, you know me. I never want to get technical about anything. And how am I supposed to save the world? I can't even save my grades!"  
  
"You honestly think that I'm not prepared for this, Jessi?"  
  
"…well…"  
  
"Just say 'no' and save me trouble of attacking you again."  
  
"No."  
  
"Alright, now listen very closely. I need you to purge the world of the byproduct negativity of some works of fiction, more specifically, your area of familiarity, fan fiction."  
  
"You want me to kill all of the bad fic writers?!"  
  
"No. It's their creations that are causing the trouble. You see, their creations draw the attention of evil spirits, which give those characters and ideas life and actual physical form! The spirits manipulate the writers who in turn control the actions of their creations. Plus, it is just authors in general, it isn't limited to the bad ones!"  
  
"What does all of that confusing mumbo jumbo mean?"  
  
"Ugh. Alright, in a nutshell, bad spirits take over the minds of writers which makes their creations bad and they run amok causing terror and all sorts of bad stuff!"  
  
"Oh! You could've just said that in the first place! But how am I supposed to stop them? E-mail them and ask them to quit writing?"  
  
"No. First, you have to destroy their creations physical forms, and then purge the writer's soul of the spirit."  
  
"You need the Marines and a priest, not me."  
  
"Jessi, we need to keep this under wraps!"  
  
"Why? Wouldn't be easier to stop them with a big crowd of people than just me?"  
  
"To quote Tommy Lee from 'Men in Black': the only way these people can live happy lives is if they don't know about it!"  
  
"Oh. I guess that makes sense. But still, why me?"  
  
"Because you are destined to do this! A few millenniums ago, before the colossal big bang that created this universe occurred, another universe existed! Another mankind, as well! Those people were incredibly intelligent and had a very advanced society! At the center of the productivity of that society, were writers! They wrote up laws, evaluated the economy, and were the council to the royal family, who were also renowned authors! That civilization fell when the big bang occurred. Somehow the big bang was connected with the same negative energy that's wreaking havoc today! The spirits of those writers were reincarnated, and you're one of them! In order to ultimately stop this evil force, we must find at least one member of the royal family, and get them to destroy the source, the Negative Gate!"  
  
Ivan panted for a moment in order to catch his breath.  
  
"So, I was alive a really long time ago?" Jessi asked as her brain slowly processed the information.  
  
"Yes! Do you understand now?"  
  
"Would it matter if I said 'no'?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Oh…okay. I think I understand some of it anyway. But I still don't believe you."  
  
"Don't worry. I can prove it."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yep. Hang on." Ivan hopped up the stairs, and out of sight.  
  
Jessi blinked. She stared at the wall trying to figure out just how her pet cat could talk, how she could have been alive millenniums ago and not know about it, and countless other things.  
  
"I have such a talented kitty!"  
  
Ivan pranced back down the stairs with what seemed to be a white pen clutched in his jaws. He stopped at his owner's feet and placed it on the ground. I seemed to be an ordinary white and red pen, except that there was a small, white, diamond-like jewel on the top of the cap.  
  
"Oh, that's a nice pen, Ivy-kins! Where'd you get it?"  
  
"Nevermind that! It's a long, nearly pointless story. This is your Sailor Transformation Pen!"  
  
"What does it do?" Jessi asked as she gently picked it up.  
  
"Repeat after me. Jessi authoress power, transform!"  
  
"Um, okay. Jessi authoress power, transform!"  
  
A pink ribbon flew out of the pen, and wrapped around the girl, encasing her in a pink, soft shell. A few moments later, the casing hardened, and shattered, revealing a very confused teenager.  
  
"Okay, that was strange…" Jessi murmured, "But not half as strange as what I'm wearing. A tiara, a long hair ribbon, a large red bow on my chest, white leotard or something of that nature, a blue, pleated mini-skirt with red trim, and red, knee-high boots. Okay, Ivy-baby, I'm officially freaked out now!"  
  
"This is your Sailor Soldier uniform, Sailor Jessi."  
  
"Sailor Jessi? Uh, I don't mean to burst the bubble on your little plan, Ivy, but won't somebody put two and two together and figure out that Sailor Jessi is Jessi?"  
  
"That's the magic of it. See the brooch on the bow?"  
  
"Oh, I missed it before. It's pretty!"  
  
"Yes, it is, but the crescent moon and shooting star-shaped jewels hypnotize people into believing that Sailor Jessi is like a figment of their imagination, but will still know that you're real."  
  
"Isn't that a bit contradictory?"  
  
"Yes, but, like I said, it's magic. It doesn't have to make sense. Now, Sailor Jessi, I know this all seems a bit rushed, but you have to fight tonight."  
  
"A bit rushed? Oh no, this is very rushed! I'm not going to fight in this! I feel naked!"  
  
"Stop whining. Good grief. Running around in a mini-skirt for about half an hour in exchange for the world's safety seems to be a good bargain to me. Now get off the floor, open the door, and follow me."  
  
"But air is hitting my legs!"  
  
"Shut-up and do it!"  
  
Sailor Jessi, in fear of her cat, stood up, and opened the door. Ivan strolled out, and waited for her to shut the door.  
  
"Did you lock it?" Ivan asked, knowing his owner's forgetful nature.  
  
"Oh, hang on." Jessi opened the door again, locked it, and closed it. "Now it is."  
  
"Good. Follow me!"  
  
Ivan raced off across the lawn and down the street, with his owner sprinting to keep up.  
  
"Ivan Ivanhoe Sylver! Slow down! I can't keep this up for much longer!" Sailor Jessi whined.  
  
"It's not very far from here! Just keep going!"  
  
"Easy for a feline to say! You've got four legs!"  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?"  
  
"I don't know, but it's true!"  
  
"Stop!" Ivan ordered, but Sailor Jessi could not, and tripped over him, landing face first on the sidewalk.  
  
"Grace, are you alright?"  
  
"Ivy-kins, I want to go home!"  
  
"You can after you've defeated the thing that's making the video game machines drain the energy out of the players!"  
  
"Oh, this is the arcade. I didn't know that this was going on."  
  
"You haven't been here within the last week. An air hockey table has been infected with an Energy Drain Creature. The creature is the physical form of a character. It steals the energy of the players. We've got to stop it!"  
  
"How? Destroy the table?"  
  
"No. Draw out the creature and destroy it!"  
  
"Just how do I destroy it? Whack it with a stick?"  
  
"I'll tell you when the time comes! You'd never remember it if I told you now! Now let's get inside! I found a vent that's big  
  
enough for you to crawl through near the back door."  
  
The strange looking duo ran around to the rear of the arcade.  
  
"There!" Ivan pointed to a vent about four feet off of the ground. "Remove the grate!"  
  
"Alright, hang on, let me find a screwdriver or something…"  
  
"No time! Improvise!"  
  
"Um…" Sailor Jessi looked around for a moment, before reaching up, and taking her tiara off of her head. "Maybe this'll  
  
work."  
  
She slid one of its ends under the edge of the grate and pulled with all of her might until it finally broke off.  
  
"What's this tiara made of?" Sailor Jessi asked as she gently placed it back on her head.  
  
"Some metal alloy that I can't pronounce."  
  
"Figures. Now, lead the way, Ivy-kins."  
  
"Stop calling me 'Ivy-kins'." The cat grumbled as he jumped into the vent.  
  
"Hey, don't forget just who rescued you from the pound!" Sailor Jessi giggled as she scooted into the vent. "Oh, tight squeeze for the chubby Sailor Soldier!"  
  
"Oh, shush. It could be worse. It won't take very long, either. Just keep moving."  
  
"Moving? I'm shimmying back here!"  
  
"Okay, then just keep shimmying!"  
  
The claustrophobia-causing vent finally came to an end in a storage room. Sailor Jessi pulled herself out of the vent, and plopped onto the floor. Ivan scratched her arm.  
  
"That was the easy part. Follow me."  
  
"I'm always following you! When do I get to lead you around?"  
  
"When we go home. Now, come on, Sailor Whiner! To the games! And be stealthy about it!"  
  
Ivan led the clueless Sailor Soldier through the arcade, to the air hockey table in question.  
  
"Hm. It looks like a normal air hockey table to me, Ivy-kins." Sailor Jessi exclaimed happily. "The world is safe! Let's go home!"  
  
"No. Nice try though. You have to make the creature show itself. Say something that'll grab its attention. Tell who you are!"  
  
"Hey, creature! I'm Sailor Jessi, and in the name of the integrity of authors everywhere, I shall punish you!"  
  
A low growl emanated from the table. It glowed and a sort of fog diffused from its surface. The fog formed a huge hockey player, glowering at Sailor Jessi.  
  
"Oh, really? Well, Miss Sailor Jessi, I'd have to say that I'm going to steal your energy and crush you like the little girl you are!"  
  
The hockey player swung his hockey stick at the girl, but she jumped away.  
  
"Ivan! What do I do?!"  
  
"Don't just dodge! Attack it!"  
  
Sailor Jessi launched a swift kick at the player's side. The player chuckled when it hit.  
  
"Hey, that tickled. My turn." The player punched the Sailor Soldier, and she went flying into the wall.  
  
"Ivan, help me!" she pleaded.  
  
"Get up and get behind him! The back of his neck should be vulnerable!"  
  
Sailor Jessi slowly got her feet, holding the place where the punch hit her stomach. The player had advanced a few steps. She broke into a run, but only made it a few feet before the player attacked again.  
  
"Ice spray!" the player shouted, summoning a wave of ice, and directing it towards Sailor Jessi.  
  
She managed to stumble out of the way, but her right knee visibly twisted, forcing her to fall. Whimpering and crying, she hugged her knee, trying to squeeze the pain away.  
  
"Poor little girl. I'll put you out of your misery. Ice-"  
  
A red, stiff stemmed lotus flower sliced through the air, and across the player's face, making him forget about killing the injured girl.  
  
"Attacking a hurt girl, for shame! You need to learn how to behave properly. Fortunately for you, I'd be happy to teach you a lesson!" A masked man in a black caped tuxedo with a top hat announced as he stepped out of the shadows.  
  
"And just who are you?!" the player demanded.  
  
"Tuxedo Lotus. And you are as good as dead!"  
  
Tuxedo Lotus swept his cape open, revealing that the inside was red. He produced a cane from the shadows, and lunged at the player. The two engaged in a sword fight, or rather, a cane and hockey stick fight, while Ivan ran to Sailor Jessi.  
  
"Sailor Jessi, stand up!" the cat implored.  
  
The Sailor Soldier barely managed to get back on her feet. She was forced to lean on her left leg, with a hand grasping a nearby machine for extra support.  
  
"Can you walk?"  
  
"Not very well." Sailor Jessi gasped through tears.  
  
"Then you'll need to use your special attack. Take your tiara off your head, and throw it while yelling 'Authoress Tiara Magic'! Hurry, I don't think that Tuxedo Lotus can hold it off for much longer!"  
  
The player managed a swift whack to the side of Tuxedo Lotus' head, knocking the masked man to the floor. The cane rolled out of his hand.  
  
"It's over, mystery man!" the player shouted as he prepared to swing his hockey stick into Tuxedo Lotus' skull.  
  
Sailor Jessi lifted the tiara off of her head, and held above her. It began to spin and glow, turning itself into a discus of energy.  
  
"Authoress Tiara Magic!" she yelled as she threw it.  
  
The attack hit the player's back. The player screamed, glowed momentarily, and turned into dust, which mysteriously vanished the second it hit the ground.  
  
Sailor Jessi allowed herself to fall backwards. Tuxedo Lotus heaved himself off of the ground, and walked over to her.  
  
"Are you alright, Sailor Jessi?" he asked, kneeling beside her.  
  
"Just peachy. Are you okay?"  
  
"About the same," he chuckled as he helped her to her feet. "Goodnight, Sailor Soldier. See you next time."  
  
Tuxedo Lotus retreated back into the shadows.  
  
"What a hunk." Sailor Jessi whispered. "But he could've helped me get outside."  
  
"Let's go, Sailor Jessi. I'll teach you to power down and get you back home."  
  
"Thanks, Ivy-kins."  
  
  
  
About twenty minutes later, a normally dressed and exhausted Jessi was hobbling away from the arcade, holding onto  
  
buildings for support. Ivan was walking beside her.  
  
"You did well for your first fight, Jessi." Ivan said reassuringly.  
  
"I wasn't cut out for this." Jessi whimpered, before shouting, "My knee hurts!"  
  
A black convertible pulled up beside them, being driven by none other than Lotus.  
  
"Hey, Metal head. What's wrong?"  
  
"Um, Ivan decided to run away today and while I was out looking for him I twisted my knee." she quickly lied.  
  
"That's horrible. You want a ride home?"  
  
"Sure!" Jessi limped towards the car.  
  
"Allow me," Lotus said as he held the passenger door open for her.  
  
"Thanks. I really appreciate this."  
  
"Anytime." He shut the door and climbed back into the driver's seat.  
  
"You know, I'm sorry for being such a jerk lately." He said as they sped towards Jessi's home. "I've always taken people for granted like that."  
  
"It's alright. I'm sorry that I was a jerk back."  
  
"Friends from now on?"  
  
"Friends."  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, in a home not far away from Jessi's, Tei was lamenting over the failure of the hockey player to complete his plan. A boy stood before him, cringing with every word that he said. The boy was covered by shadows, in a corner, that was as far away from his master that he could get.  
  
"Scorn, I'm very displeased." Tei growled. "I expected better of you!"  
  
"Please, Tei Sama, I have another plan. I just need another chance and I'm sure that I can get you the energy that you need!"  
  
Scorn pleaded.  
  
"Alright, but don't screw it up this time!" 


End file.
